Philadelphia PA-- The sudden death of Bozo The Clown triggered a world wide panic and collapse today. The president immediately issued a red alert and went to Defcon 4. Stock markets around the world crashed over 50%. The price of oil went to $250.00 a barrel seconds after the death was announced.
Bozo The Clown was the role model for almost three generations. The modern world is based on his incredibly silly, clownish behavior. His loss is incalculable. His death is being compared to an asteroid striking the earth or the Black Plague in its scope.
Thousand jumped to their deaths from New Yawk skyscrapers. The police says bodies of suicide victims were "10 or 12 bodies deep" on the sidewalks.
In London it was much worse. So many grieving fans drowned themselves in the Thames it actually shut down the river.
President Bush was in tears when Condoleeza Rice told him the news. Mr. Bush put on his pancake makeup, clown wig and costume and prepared to address the nation:
"My fellow Americans, this is the saddest Independence Day ever. We have lost the best and the brightest. Bozo The Clown. He was my idol and my saviour." The president dabbed his eyes with a big red handkerchief and honked his rubber nose.
Condoleeza Rice also gave a short statement to the press. "Just two days ago I warned of a pending Collapse. (Condoleeza Rice Gives Update On Pending 08/08/08 Calamity)Today it happened. There is no point in going on after the death of this clown. We are all doomed. But, listen, everyone have a great 4th of July anyway, you hear!!"
Ms. Rice then took another bong hit and collapsed into Bush's lap.
