CIA psychopath advised Pentagon on torture denial

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

image for CIA psychopath advised Pentagon on torture denial
Fredman: torture is foreplay

Washington AC/DC - (OMFG Mess): 'Torture is largely interrogation foreplay' was the official mantra of a top CIA lawyer advising Pentagon stooges on sucking up to rabid warmongering Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld the Senate Armed Services Committee heard today.

Counter-terrorism lawyer Jonathan Fredman said his opinion was the result of many years of dealing with rotten, filthy, perverted foreign bastards who deserved a damned good fright.

"And there's nothing more frightening than the Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld trifecta."

The Senate Committee was told that old torture favorites 'such as sensory deprivation, forced nudity, stress positions and phobia exploitation' were suitable for liberal sissies like cold war-era KGB bastards.

"Waterboarding illegal Asian combatants was the scariest thing the CIA could ever do," Fredman commented, "short of actually giving them the first ever bath or shower of their entire fetid, conspiratorial and pointless existences."

The hearing continues.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Subscribe…
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot