Written by Tyler James Perry

Saturday, 31 May 2008

image for McCain Threatens to Pull out of the Race
McCain - Angry

The 71-year-old Senator says he's sick of waiting on Obama and Clinton.

News outlets across the nation were shocked on Monday morning after reading a press release that stated that Arizona Senator John McCain, the leading Republican candidate for the primary election, was considering dropping out of the race. Many speculated that Sen. McCain's age was the primary reason for his consideration of dropping out. The report gave no official explanation, other than saying that Sen. McCain was "Frustrated."

At a Wednesday morning press conference, McCain finally revealed to the world his frustrations.

"The main reason that I'm considering dropping out of the race is because I'm sick and tired of waiting for Sen. Clinton and Sen. Obama to decide who is going to run against me," McCain said to an array of shocked reporters and some guy named Jim who said he worked in the meat packing industry.

"If I have to wait on those two much longer, I'm going to quit," McCain said bluntly.

When asked why waiting just a few more months would make him want to quit, he said that being president "Wasn't really that big of a deal."

Shortly after the conclusion of his speech, McCain was informed by one of his aides that he was the leading Republican candidate in the primary race, and was predicted to win by a landslide. McCain quickly looked up and asked reporters if the entire press conference could just be forgotten about - drawing a mix of confusion and laughter.

When Washington Post reporter Michael Abramowitz informed the senator that even if there was only one Democratic candidate left in the race, he would still have to wait until November's election to find out who would be president. McCain just shrugged his shoulders and looked away, disgusted.

According to a poll sponsored by Toys R Us, McCain was projected to win the November election by over 20% over either Obama or Clinton.

"I've always liked Toys R Us," McCain said after being informed of the poll results. "One Christmas, I bought some toy trucks for my great great great great great grandkids, but I decided that I wanted to keep them for myself."

Calls to the Toys R Us headquarters were not returned at press time.

Everyone thought that this year's presidential election would be known for Clinton and Obama's historical run for the presidency. While that may still be the case, McCain's bizarre behavior will likely be remembered as more than just a footnote in this historical election year.

"I can't believe [McCain] would consider dropping out of the race at a time like this," said Jim, a meat packer from Philadelphia who was in attendance at the press conference.

Even though Jim didn't have the proper clearance to be at the press conference, he said he was a big fan of Sen. McCain and that sneaking in was "easy as cake."

"I always enjoy seeing Sen. McCain because his speeches are so funny," Jim said. "This one was an unfortunate surprise though."

While Jim had a look on his face that could only be described as pathetic, he still spoke pleasantly about his favorite candidate -- or at least candidate for now.

"No matter what he decides, he's still a patriot and a great American hero," Jim said, the pathetic look of shame slightly fading from his face. "But if he decides not to run, this country is going to go to hell quicker than the time it would take security to throw my ass out if they found out I wasn't with the press."

By Tyler James Perry

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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