Tel Aviv - The United States and Israel announced today, the development of a new type of non-lethal, air dropped, genetically targeted, fat based weapon.
This binary weapon consists of 45% chicken fat, 45% lard and these two elements are separated by 10% of a Top Secret catalyst. The entire device is contained in an explosive shell with an altitude fuse. The weapon is scaleable by weight, e.g. 500lbs, 1000 lbs, 5000lbs……..25,000 lbs. The larger the weight of the weapon, the wider the circle of the affected ground area. There is also no collateral damage caused by this weapon to any buildings or animals.
The device is dropped from an aircraft and at 1000 feet the fuse causes an implosion such that the two major elements are combined and emulsified by the catalyst. A sticky rain falls and adheres to the skin of people out in the open or not under protective cover.
The device is specifically targeted to Arabs. Once exposed Arabs immediately begin speaking Yiddish, forgetting their Arabic, heading for the nearest body of fresh water and demanding in Yiddish that they be baptized.
The resultant sticky substance may eventually be washed away with water, however, the previously enumerated effects are permanent. There is no physical damage or pain caused to any Arabs.
The weapon has been shown to be ineffective against Iranians, Pakistani's and North Koreans, but U.S. and Israeli scientists indicate that use of other catalysts could remedy this issue.
Envisioned use, once production quantities are available, is against Hezbollah, Hamas and Al Qaeda.
Political and economic reaction has been mixed: the Arab league had a hissy-fit; Osama Bin Laden made a blank audio tape; Ayman al-Zawahiri beheaded himself on Al-Jazeera TV; and June 2008 U.S. pork belly and chicken futures are up.
