Poll: Trust in Polls Lowest Ever!

Written by rewinn

Thursday, 1 May 2008

image for Poll: Trust in Polls Lowest Ever!
Americans go to great lengths to avoid pollsters

Warsaw - An overwhelming majority of Americans have lost faith in the ability of polls to lead the nation, according to new poll of 1000 registered Americans.

The percentage of Americans having a negative view of polls has steadily increased, from a low of 80% in 1990 to approximately 99.44% in the most recent poll. Meanwhile, those having a positive view of polls are nearly extinct, consisting entirely of pundits and media figures.

"Who really cares about a poll showing that the blond left-handed high-school graduate demographic is less anti-Obama than the red-headed stuttering female bookkeeper demographic?" said one member of the noisy, talks-on-cellphone-while-driving demographic. "If I want to make decisions based on statistics about other people's performance, I'll bet on pro sports."

"Trust in polls have declined steadily since November 2000," said Vera Pew of Pew Research, "Exit polls had Kerry winning Florida, but failed to account for the suppression of votes via caging efforts, and of course the infamous 'butterfly ballot'. What good is a poll that treats a provisional ballot as if it has a prayer of being counted?"

Nationwide, 94% of pollsters agreed that trust is polls is declining. The margin of error on that poll was 100%.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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