LOS ANGELES, CA - First it was Hannah Montana on your TV at seven every damn night. Then it was the Hannah Montana album playing incessantly on your car stereo. Then it was the Miley Cyrus cosmetics and the Hannah Montana training bra. It was almost enough to make you want to storm Disney with a suicide vest and rid yourself of the teen queen once and for all. Well parents, your prayers may have finally been answered as the singer, songwriter, actress, and all around pain in the ass, has decided to finally do some good for her country and travel to Iraq, where she will hopefully get herself blasted to smithereens.
Cyrus, the latest teen idol-bot to be rolled off the Disney assembly lines, approached the USO in April about performing for the troops abroad. It was quickly decided that she would have the best chance of lifting troop morale and coming under insurgent sniper fire in Iraq.
Parents showed overwhelming support for Cyrus' decision to travel to the still unstable country, as it would greatly increase the chances of her being blown to pieces by a roadside bomb, or at the very least, being so horribly disfigured by flying shrapnel that she would never be able to appear in public again.
General David Petraeus assured parents that Cyrus would receive only the most lax security protection while in Iraq.
"As a father of two little Hannah Montana fans myself, I will personally see to it that she receives around-the-clock protection by Blackwater," said Petraeus.
Many parents expressed sentiments similar to those of Dan Barnes, a father of three young girls.
"I am very pleased to hear the news that Ms. Cyrus could likely be killed," said Barnes. "Now if only we could send Avril Lavigne, the Harry Potter kids, and those High School Musical brats to Iraq too, then maybe we'd finally have some peace."