Dr. Death Running for Congress

Funny story written by Squizzard

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Dr. Jack Kevorkian, the right-to-die advocate released just last year from prison, is planning on running for Congress as state representative from Michigan. Kevorkian, who served the minimum sentence for his conviction on second-degree murder told local reporters he is planning on running as an independent under the slogan "Death, Taxes and Kevorkian--The Only Sure Things". However, Kevorkian's political aspirations are not without controversy.

Oakland County Prosecutor Dave Gorcyca, whose office prosecuted Kevorkian, is a surprising supporter of the man dubbed "Dr. Death". In a stunning twist, Gorcyca admitted last week that Jack Kevorkian had been working behind the scenes in the prison where he was incarcerated. "Let's just say Jack used his talents to the benefit of Michigan taxpayers."

A recent investigation of the prison where Kevorkian lived for the past eight years revealed a remarkable rise in mysterious inmate deaths from 1999 to 2007. Most of those inmates were jailed for child abuse, drug dealing, pedophilia, elder abuse, and animal cruelty. Coroner's reports, obtained by this paper, revealed all inmates died of "natural causes".

Kevorkian denies any relationship between the mysterious deaths and his incarceration. "I was a consultant only on the tough medical cases. They never let me near the meds. Besides, 130 assisted deaths was quite enough for me." Kevorkian had to swear he would not participate in any more life termination ceremonies as part of his release agreement.

Protesters have already mobilized in anticipation of Kevorkian's Congressional run. Signs saying, "No More Death", "Down with Dying", and "Fear the Reaper" are being painted by pro-life advocates in Grand Rapids. "We don't need scum like Dr. Kevorkian thinking he can represent us," said George Ballard of Christians United Now Teach. "We're pro-life and he's pro-death. I guess them two don't get along, huh?"

Regardless of the controversy swirling around Kevorkian's political intentions, Michigan voters will definitely have an interesting choice before them at the polls in November.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot