Washington DC (IPP) - Congress will vote today on Bill HR569 which will determine as to whether or not to change the name of Valentine's Day to J. Edgar Hoover Day. It appears that conservative members of Congress will succeed in getting this legislation passed in what has to be considered one of the most important votes as well as a defining moment of our time.
Congress has issued a statement to the public via news conferences and by other means wherein they want to get across their joint philosophy and belief that J. Edgar Hoover was a man ahead of his times. In today's urban metro-sexual culture J. Edgar Hoover's eccentricities would have barely have caught so much as a passing glance from from the average citizen. Hoover was also ahead of his time when it came to fighting armed members of the criminal underclass which includes what we consider to be today's terrorists. Hoover would throw cold water on the underworld's pesky little brusfires one by one as they arose. And so for this, his excellent taste in fine clothing, and for other reasons, We, the members of Congress, do hereby declare Valentines Day to be henceforth known as J. Edgar Hoover Day.
Later, during an interview with a Congressman, reporters learned that conservative members of Congress are tired of hearing about the Mark Foley and Larry Craig scandals. The Congressman said the fact that Republicans still invoke the name of Ted Kennedy over an incident that happened decades ago did not justify the use by liberals of the Foley and Craig issues in an effort to try to project moral superiority over their political counterparts.
This whole Valentine's Day thing all started a few weeks ago when exorcists flown in from Ireland were taken into Victoria Secret's Shop Number 54 after many complaints of Hoover's ghost scaring customers and workers there. This would have been the final straw when combined with the Foley and Craig thing. This is what prompted conservative members of Congress to bring the Republican Party, past and present, out of the closet with the passage of this new law.
