Anchorage, Alaska - (Rioters): Former Alaskan Governor Frank Murkowski's one-time chief of staff Jim Clark has pleaded guilty to one charge of whoring for VECO in the continuing Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club probe.
"I admit I took $68,550 in illegal backhanders from VECO, our largest harlot company, Your Honor," Clark said in court.
"But I was merely following orders, acting on behalf of my boss, Frank Murkowski. And he was acting directly on behalf of Dick Cheney.
Clark looked woebegone as the court listened to his litany of excuses:
"Governor Murkowski told me we needed to secure an industry-friendly tax scam to pull off other, bigger oil-related heists," Clark continued, visibly shaken.
"These relate to the Bush/Cheney Administration's suborning of Justice Department officials into slashing the $5 billion Exxon-Mobil punitive damages for the Prince William Sound disaster.
"Everybody knows that even with a 50% reduction to a $2.5 billion fine Exxon-Mobil is a sitting duck for a massive takeover by the Chevron Corporation.
"And if that ever happens Condi Rice will be dead meat.
"Dead meat I tell you!
"She and Cheney harassed Chevron partners over Bush's fetid Arbusto Oil secrets, in particular his scams with the Bin Laden family of Saudi Arabia.
"Eventually Chevron busted her and kicked her off the board after renaming the eponymous tanker The Altair Voyager.
"Rice and Cheney had bribed ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair's personal oil stooge, Bill Gemmel of Cairn Energy, into doing the dirty with OPEC about the Alaskan fiasco.
"Former BP Oil CEO Lord Browne took care of other international hush money and Juneau's Corrupt Bastards Club just quietened down the locals."
The case continues.
