JFK Assassination Documents Discovered

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Monday, 18 February 2008

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Jack Ruby shoots Lee Harvey Oswald after the JFK assassination

Files of documents dealing with an investigation by the Dallas Police into the JFK assassination have been discovered and released in the Texas City. Dallas Police Spokesman Ron Whitehead revealed that the papers were discovered in a vault.

The papers reveal a conversation overheard between Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby where they plan the murder of the President of the United States.

A part of that conversations transcript is revealed here for the first time in over 40 years:

    Ruby: "We gotta take this guy out. He messed with Marilyn MOnroe too many times and cheated on that pretty wife of his."

    Oswald: "He slept with Marilyn Monroe! Is that why she divorced Joe DiMaggio? I love the Yankees! If he kept them from winning the series, I outta..."

    Ruby: "Yeah, he also ruined her marraige to Arthur Miller and he ain't released no good plays since then."

    Oswald: "Okay, then here's what we do. I'll fire shots from the School Book Depository Building and you get some guys and shoot from the grassy knoll."

    Ruby: "Okay, but don't forget to take your magic bullets and that piece of crap Italian rifle of yours."

    Oswald: "Who's gonna pay us for this hit?"

    Ruby: "I got it lined up with everybody. We're getting money from the Cubans, LBJ, the mob, Onasis, the Cuban defectors, the KGB, the Yankees, Broadway, and some kid named Oliver Stone who says he wants to make a movie of this."

    Oswald: "Okay, but there's just one other thing."

    Ruby: "What's that?"

    Oswald: "Don't hire that idiot Zapruder to film this. He uses a piece of crap camera and his pictures always come out kind of fuzzy."


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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