Written by Pointer

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

image for CEO JC Says Financial Wisdom Dictates Closing Poor Neighborhood Churches
St Baby Angel of the Poor,Rochester,NY will close due to empty collection plates.Its parishioners-empty dinner plates

Catholic dioceses and arch have been shuttering very old churches in poor neighborhoods to the shudders of lifelong parishioners. At the same time new parishes like St Yuppy of Scarsdale have been opening newly constructed Ecclesio-Mansions in areas populated by Ecclesio-Millionaires.

This development has seemed to parallel the extreme decline of candidates for the priesthood. The average age of Roman Catholic priests, the only RC ministers mandated to preside at the Eucharist and hear Confessions, limps around 65-when sensible people retire.

Into the debate, an ancient document entitled,"JC,CEO" is being offered as a defense for the controversial "shrink the poor,grow the rich" ecclesiology of many RC dioceses. Georgetown University Chairman of the Theology department, Chester "Dopey" Gillis was quoted in the NY Times as saying: "If you have less people donating to the church, it becomes unrealistic - and it is financially irresponsible, really, to keep a church building open."

Gillis, a leading proponent of the authenticity of the document,argues that Jesus was really the greatest pragmatist of his time: "All this talk of turn the other cheek, lillies of the field and no worries about tomorrow are really insertion from a later period in the development of the gospels. The true words of the Christ are about being clever as snakes, not throwing pearl before swine and a penny earned is a penny gained (or was that Ben Franklin, no matter). JC,CEO will save the church from its neurotic obsession with the poor."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: church

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