The Democratic Party today announced it had purchased the remnants of the Republican Party for $57 million.
Opposition was quickly overcome with guarantees of places at the trough for all of the top Republican Officers surviving last week's mass suicide.
The Top Democratic negotiator commented "We needed to move fast to stop the erosion of the brand."
Long-range economies of scale are expected to quickly recover the cost. "By merging the Republicans into the Democratic Party we expect to save $6.3 billion by 2013, though elimination of campaigning, primaries and elections. Why spend all that money teaching millions what they think, and then turn around and ask them what they think? We already know what we told them."
The Democratic spokesman added that the public will be notified via email when the new president has been selected. "Please don't call" he added, "these phone lines are for important party business."
In a related story, Ron Paul announced today that he would be leaving the Republican Party after all.
