Written by Steve Shaw

Friday, 7 November 2003

image for McDonalds To Introduce New 'Meat' Burger
Meyers and Ronald say 'Yes!' to McMeat

NEW YORK-Announced today for the first time, McDonald's revealed its plans to incorporate a new 'McMeat Burger' into its menu. "We set out on this project looking to create a product that the average concerned carnivore would want to consume," said Jeffery Meyers, a senior Vice President at the fast food giant.

Carnivore activist groups around the nation are excited with the news. "We've been pushing this for years," said Randy Curran, spokesperson for Vegetable Rights, a carnivore activist group. "McDonald's has for a long time ignored the needs of carnivores everywhere, pushing vegetables and vegetable by-products into all of their so called 'beef patties.' In the past they even tried to hide their actions, denying the fact that even though their patties were partly composed of meat, the rest was nothing but poor, harmless vegetables who had been mercilessly ripped from their home in the ground, then brutally chopped and diced. The fact that McDonalds is going to produce a patty composed entirely of meat is a striking victory for carnivores everywhere, and I'm sure other fast food chains will follow their lead."

Indeed they have. Within hours of McDonalds' statement, Taco Bell announced it would no longer use lower grades of ground Chihuahua in it's tacos, Burger King said it would cease to use old Canadian newspapers as a substitute filler in it's hamburgers, and Wendy's released it would continue to use animal based glue in its patties, no matter how much pressure was placed upon it to change these practices.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: New York, McDonalds

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