US Offers Serbs Immunity For Concentration Camp Technologies

Funny story written by alex palamedes

Friday, 9 April 2004

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Republicans Hail An American Saviour

In an exhilirating twist of policy, the Bush administration, facing mounting criticism of its lack of an exit strategy in Iraq, has turned to pariah state Republika Srpkska to help implement a new 'containment' strategy.

NATO sweeps in Bosnia for indicted war crimes suspect Radovan Karadzic, which recently critically wounded an Orthodox priest and his son, are to be suspended and victims compensated with potentially millions of US dollars. Karadzic is to be offerred immunity in return for lending his experts to direct a system of concentration camps and stabilise Iraqi opposition. The radical Rumsfeld plan follows calls this week for an increased international military presence to clamp down on the bloody unrest in Iraq which has left at least 30 coalition troops and 150 Iraqis dead since the weekend.

"I call upon the American people to stand beside their brethren, the Iraqi people, who are suffering an injustice by your rulers and the occupying army, to help them in the transfer of power to honest Iraqis," al-Sadr said in a statement from his office in the southern city of Najaf.
There were also signs of sympathy for the Shia revolt by the Sunni rebels as graffiti praising a "valiant uprising" appeared on mosque and government building walls in the Sunni city of Ramadi.

Pentagon sources have anonymously revealed that the Bosnian Serbs accrued vast experience in the construction of concentration camps in Bosnia, later used to Kosovo to great effect. Rumsfeld, it is thought, is particularly drawn to the use of Serb intelligence in Iraq, since international media, satellites and non-governmental organisations were unable to pin-point camp locations during the 1990s, offerring US forces 'maximum deniability'. Western investigators in Kosovo, for example, originally advised by NATO on the basis of aerial reconnnaisance to expect up to 100,000 Albanian victims of genocide, appear to have had their findings consistently censored by Milosevic's ruthless state apparatus.

Western knowledge of Serb death camps, despite repeated allegations by Robin Cook among others, who in 1999 drew attention to Serb rape camps in Kosovo only a day after NATO had bombed a civilian convoy killing 10, has largely been founded on a single day in August 1992, when millions of people were shocked to see photographs of a supposed Bosnian Serb death camp. Pentagon insiders, however, have concluded that this was a 'blip', attributable to 'security teething problems'. At that time, due to administrative error, Serb authorities invited international media to inspect a detention facility. American experience in Guantanamo will obviate any such 'blip' in Iraq.

Our reporter has unearthed evidence, however, that the use of Serb 'advisors' could represent another white elephant for the US administration, on a par with the recent scandal surrounding exhorbitant army supply rates charged by Halliburton. Serb claims to specialised technology may well amount to little more than bluster. According to video evidence from 1992 obtained via, thought to be maintained by disgruntled CIA and Dyncorps officials, the refugees were not imprisoned behind barbed wire. The ITN film crew were filming from inside a fenced-in area used to store building materials. By filming through the fence (composed of chicken wire with a few strands of barbed wire on top) ITN created the impression of a concentration camp. Rather than being sold technology, the Pentagon seems in danger of falling for an improvised propaganda ploy, damaging the American electorate's confidence in what is already a problematic humanitarian intervention.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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