Washington, DC: The number of casualties in Iraq grows every day, as the resistance to the American occupation continues.
The United States government, acknowledging that Americans care more about the number of American soldiers killed than the casualties in any other group, has confirmed that as of April 6, 2004, 636 American soldiers have lost their lives.
In just the first six days of April, 35 American soldiers have been killed in some of the bloodiest battles in months. At this rate, the number will hit 666 by Easter Sunday, April 11.
This revelation has prompted the White House to issue an edict against Iraq as the "Birthplace of the Anti-Christ." This appellation is in addition to Iraq's previous title as "1/3 of the Axis of Evil."
White House spokesman Scott McClellan told reporters that the government is immediately dispatching Lt. General William "Jerry" Boykin to assist Coalition Provisional Authority head L. Paul Bremer in pacifying the resistance before the fateful number 666 is reached.
Lt. Gen. Boykin told reporters he is eager to go, echoing his now-famous words regarding Muslims and other heretics, that "my God is bigger than their god." He affirmed his faith that "God is on our side, and we will wipe out the infidels in a glorious Armageddon right here on earth."
Mr. McClellan dissuaded reporters from seeking comments from U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell, noting that the Secretary "does have those pointed eyebrows."