Dennis Kucinich, with a surprising move today, threatened to pull out of the Democratic presidential campaign if his critics didn't stop making fun of him.
All 48 of his supporters instantly cried out for the former Ambassador of the Flower Children.
"Oh, he's going through a rough time right now. I heard that his cosmic groove is out of whack, man." said supporter Joanna Lennon, formerly Carlos Diez of San Francisco.
Kucinich, considered by many to be a penguin, stumped in Iowa today, attempting to persuade conservative evangelicals to vote for him. Things turned rough when several conservatives asked him if he really believed in UFO's. Flustered, Kucinich drove into a long, rambling rant about "the bully pulpit", which he presumed that Evangelicals could identify with, because they go to church and know what pulpits are.
"Leave Kucinich alone!" shouts supporter Elizabeth Kucinich, leading donator in the campaign, as the rest could not afford to donate or donated small pouches of weed instead.
"He's not well right now. You're lucky he even campaigns for you BASTARDS. Everone who wants to make fun of Dennis has to go through ME."
Kucinich's rant was condemned by fellow candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.
"We do not want evangelicals, conservatives, and conservative evanglicals to vote for us," said Clinton, "we think you're a bunch of uneducated morons."
Obama was slightly less critical.
"He may be hella crazy, but he makes a good presentation," said the Senator, "I ran against Alan Keyes, so trust me, I know."
Kucinich's threat is thought to have no impact on the election.
