Written by Robert W. Armijo

Tuesday, 2 October 2007

image for "24" style torture is okay with Bill "I Feel Your Pain" Clinton; Supreme Court ban on "The Third Degree" in real jeopardy now
Bill Clinton's "I feel your pain" phrase takes on a new meaning after his appearance on Fox TV

Washington, D.C. - Surprising his wife, Hillary Clinton, with yet another revelation that this time she cannot attribute to Newt Gingrich or a Right Wing conspiracy, Bill "Deliverance" Clinton announced that he wishes the government had more CIA agents like Jack Bauer from the popular FOX TV show "24" protecting our nation from terrorists. Critics argue it is a test balloon signaling Clinton's return to a tough stance on terrorism after just one week of denouncing the practice as antiquated.

"Why stripping down a man naked, rolling him around in the mud and making him squeal like a pig is just another way to say hello and if done just right foreplay," said Bill Clinton. "So what is wrong with a little Chinese water torture, Columbian mini-neckties, Peruvian llama rides or North Korean buzzer handshakes while standing in a bucket of ice water in order to get information that could save thousands of lives."

Apparently, Bill did not get the memo or talking points from Hillary before he made an appearance of this weekend's political talk show on Fox TV. Moreover, his latest revelation comes on the heals of last weeks Democratic debate in which Hillary surprisingly abandon the notion that torture should be legalized in limited a "24" style scenario.

Under those extreme circumstances where a bomb is about to explode and the only way to disarm it is by torturing the suspected terrorist and saving countless lives are we lead to believe that the government will use torture.

"It's a return the Third Degree (in which police were legally allowed to use torture to get confessions from suspects) which was deemed by the Supreme Court in the 1930s as a violation of the 8TH Amendment of Constitution's ban on cruel and unusual punishment," say Constitutionalists. "And since no government agency wants to bring a case of torture before the Supreme Court today to get its ruling reversed (as doing so would be admitting torture is being used despite the official denials), the only way to change it is through an act of Congress."

"It appears the line distinguishing Republican from Democrat on the issue of human rights is bleared and has nothing do with political affiliation anymore, said a political science professor at the Institution of I Told You So. "John McCain, a Republican, is against torture and the Clinton's, Democrats, are apparently for it, once again."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Bill Clinton

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