Dr. I. Seymour Kuntz, a Seattle gynecologist whose name and profession have made him the butt of endless jokes, now has one more reason to complain.
Early on Saturday Sep. 1st, Dr. Kuntz departed his home in his 2004 Lexus to drive the 140 miles to the Canadian city of Vancouver, British Columbia. He anticipated a relaxing 3-day weekend, with Monday being Labor Day and whatnot. "I thought everything would be open there on Monday, like it was on the Fourth of July, because Canadians don't observe our normal American holidays. From what I've heard, they don't even have Christmas up there."
But those hopes were dashed when Monday rolled around and Vancouver resembled a ghost town. "Everything's closed! Even the streets! You can't even take a shit here until Tuesday! What the fuck is going on?"
Only then did Kuntz learn that Labor Day is indeed an official holiday in Canada, and has been since 1894. "But they spell it 'Labour'. I suppose they pronounce it 'lay - bower'!" Kuntz fumed. "All I know is that by not warning me about this, these Canucks ruined my weekend. Christ, they're not even a real country anyway. I KNEW it was a big mistake for us Americans to give the Canadians their independence, plus half of our continent. Well, just see if they get any more of my tourist dollars! That's REAL dollars, and not that Canuck play money with pictures of some dried-up old broad on it. Next time, Portland here I come."
[The latter is an excerpt from a lengthy anti-Canadian rant made in response to an American border guard's question as to why Kuntz was in Canada. In response the U.S. Customs Service has issued a bulletin to all border crossings with a photo of Kuntz and the message, "If you see this man: whatever you do, don't even get him started on Canada, for Chrissake."]