Do a dry run with your kids now to help them get over first day of school jitters or cold feet, say experts

Written by Robert W. Armijo

Thursday, 30 August 2007

image for Do a dry run with your kids now to help them get over first day of school jitters or cold feet, say experts
Do a dry run with your kids now; it helps them get over first day of school jitters and cold feet

Los Angeles, California - As summer draws to a close and with schools starting up, many parents are wondering what they can do to help their children make the transition back to school a little bit easier. Experts advise parents not to wait until the last minute to face the first day of school jitters but to avoid them entirely with a dry run with your kids to get the bugs out now.

"Acclimate them now, said Child Psychologist, Brad Tucker. "It will make the return to school easier for all."

He recommends that you prepare yourself and your children by getting up one morning and pretending with your kids it's the first day of school. Simulating the first day of school right down to dressing them up, using your car or mini-van as a school bus and driving them out to the school to spend the day there.

Dr. Tucker recommends parents follow his patent pending seven-point advice for dealing with first day of school jitters in advance:

    First, after buying them new clothes that are stiff and itchy, place them is your car without any safety restraints (seatbelts). Simulating the exact public school bus safety conditions, teaching them their first civics lesson, that government often holds itself to a double and lower standard than its does its citizens.

    Second, drive them around the neighborhood picking up other children they do not know and sit them right next to them without any proper introduction. Again, simulating their public school bus and the unspoken angst every child faces when boarding a school bus trying to find a seat among a sea of endless unfamiliar faces.

    Third, while on the way to school stop at all railroad crossings, open the car door and pretend to be looking and listening for a train that is neither there or coming and drive over as many potholes and speed bumps as fast as you can.

    Fourth, once at the school, let them a run around on the schoolyard sprayed with pesticides, playing for 10 minutes only. Then right when they start having fun, while they are still hot, sweaty and breathing heavy, have them stop by blowing a whistle at them instead of addressing them as individuals.

    Fifth, ask the school custodian to place them in a room filled with asbestos or a poorly air-conditioned bungalow, with outdated textbooks, overworked and under paid teacher without an aide, and obsolete Apple Computers.

    Sixth, at lunchtime feed them prepackaged corporate food purchased from the lowest bid vender providing a modicum of nutrition and savor.

    Seventh, at the end of day have them walk home with a backpack that weighs to much for them to carry, telling them not to talk to any strangers on the way back

If you follow this seven-point plan now, claims Dr. Tucker, your first day of school will run more smoothly.

Not because it better prepares the children, nothing but the real thing can do that, says the doctor. But rather because it serves to remind parents just what it is they are putting their children through on that first day of sending them off to school.

"Try to see things from their perspective," said Dr. Tucker. "I guarantee you will have a little more heart and patients with them, okay?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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