Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): FBI agents yesterday raided veteran Corrupt Bastards Club grandee Senator Ted Stevens are removed a dozen pantechnicon loads of confiscated goods from his home.
Among items seized are a reported 500 gold ingot bars bearing the VECO Mining & Minieral Corporation's trading logo and overstamped "Happy 80th Birthday Ted!" which were secreted under the Senator's mattress.
Also impounded were 200,000 barrel of light marker crude, suposedly another birthday gift from Corrupt Bastards Club admirers seconded to the BP Alaskan oil pipe line project.
A freezer was also seized from Stevens' garage after Feds prised it open and discovered approximately $2 million in banknotes overstamped "UN Oil for Fraud Saddam Project" and a birthday card from ex-World Bank CEO Paul Wolfowitz.
Also removed was a heavy-duty platinum photo frame complete with personalised picture of Vice President Dick Cheney, half a tonne of finest Beluga caviar and accompanying birthday card from John Browne, ex-CEO of BP Oil and some items of intimate underwear autographed by Anne Coulter.
There was no comment from Stevens today nor from his attorneys and the blinds remained shut long after the removal vans sped away under armed escort back to FBI HQ.
