Written by Jalapenoman

Tuesday, 17 July 2007

image for Lyndon LaRouche Refuses To Run in 2008, Dubs Dennis Kucinich "The Next Me"
Lyndon LaRouche feels he is too old to run

Lyndon LaRouche has run for the U.S. Presidency 63 times, including some years when there was not presidential election. He begin running 43 years before he was born (against Thomas Jefferson) and has in every election since. LaRouche recently announced that he is too old and will not seek the 2008 Democratic Party nomination (he has also run as a Labor Party, Republican, Whig, Green Party, Reform Party, Tory, and Bull Moose candidate). LaRouche, instead, has endoresed Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich for the nomination.

From his room in the Alfred E. Neumann Home for Retired Political Nutcases, La Rouche offered the following statement:

"Dennis is the new me. I'm sure that he'll make a fine perpetual candidate for the rest of his life and never get more than five percent of the vote. I've read his platform and think that it is just whacky and crazy enough to get him ignored by anyone with more than half a brain cell. I also like his run in with ABC in 2004 (when the network refused to cover his campaign any more)."

"I also have read that he was a former mayor of Cleveland and that he survived a recall election. We all know how crazy those Ohio mayors are! I think, if he ever gets lucky enough to actually win a nomination, he ought to make a former Cincinnati mayor his candidate. Can you just imagine the impact of a team with Kucinich and Jerry Springer?"

While Dennis Kucinich might have been available for comment, no one in any media outlet knew where he was. Calls to his campaign headquarters found a guy who said, "I don't know where he's at. He buys me a big mac meal every day if I sit here and hand out buttons to folks."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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