Written by TedG63

Friday, 8 June 2007

image for Mexican Immigrant Named Bill Dies in Senate

Bill Jimenez, an illegal émigré from Mexico, whose lone dream was to tour the halls of Congress, rode his donkey across the boarder and all the way to the Capitol Thursday, only to have the donkey stall in the Senate; and then the man who came to be known as "Immigration Bill" expired, never getting off the Senate floor.

Before Immigration Bill died he told reporters: "I just wanted to come to see how justice works. But my ass very tired and no move."

When asked how an immigrant on a donkey managed to get past Capitol security officers a spokesperson said: "The number of Asses who pass through here every day you expect us to notice this one?"

A bi-partisan group of Senators attempted to push Bill through the Senate, leading it towards the passage, but other Senators blocked them refusing to let Bill through. "At least let me use the restroom," the frustrated immigrant said.

President Bush, at a conference in Germany, where he had been told there would be ponies, was informed about the crises and urged the Legislators to get Bill out of the Senate.

"I'm from Texas," he said. "Believe me, you get a Mexican stalled in the house, it is hell getting them out. I had to call an exterminator and it cost me $5,000. Plus if you let them expire it takes months to get rid of the smell."

Senate conservatives did not heed the President wishes and continued to block Bill's passage, saying that letting him pass unimpeded would only encourage others Mexicans to enter the chambers illegally and ordinary Americans would be unable to enjoy the tour being surrounded by farting donkeys, bowls of peppers and rice, and urban sombreros.

Bill was said to become agitated being caught between one group pushing him through and another blocking his exit. He then had a panic attack when he heard Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas, mention "jamming Bill through Congress." "Oh please, do not jam Bill, I was in Mexican prison for three months and got jammed every day. That's why I come to America."

While the Senators were arguing amongst themselves Senate Majority Leader Harry Reed noticed that Bill had slumped off his ass. Reed ran to the fallen Bill and did everything to revive him but after several minutes he announced that the lovable "Immigration Bill" had died on the Senate floor.

One of Bill's biggest supporters for passage, Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy refused to admit that Bill was dead and rallied his supporters to keep trying to push him through. "Yeah like we're going to let you determine when someone is dead, Aquaman," Senator Trent Lott said.

While the Senators debated what to do with the remains the ass moved into the offices left vacant by the recent death of Wyoming Senator Craig Thomas stating that, while there may not be room for Mexican immigrants in Congress, there is always room for another ass.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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