Group Protests Paris Hilton's Early Release

Funny story written by Buck E Filbert

Friday, 8 June 2007

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Protesters outraged by Hilton's early release

A group of concerned citizens, calling themselves, "Equal is Equal," is rallying a protest against the release of heiress Paris Hilton. The group is concerned over the rich and privileged being given preferential treatment in our legal system.

"The rich get richer and the poor and lower income people do the time," said, Sarah Lookwood, head of, EiE, "while this Paris Hilton situation looked legitimate on the surface it was by no means equal treatment from the beginning. The Los Angeles Sheriffs Department doesn't release inmates for not feeling good. What is this, kindergarten?"

From the very start, this Paris Hilton incarceration was suspect. Normally prisoners are subjected to a grueling 20 to 26 hour processing in regime. They typically leave prisoner locked up in small crowded cell for hours at a time. After being processed they are thrown into the, "animal house," or the 5000 block of the Los Angeles jail.

The 5000 block is a huge room where prisoners are deposited, pretty much unsupervised, after 30hrs of no sleep, with between 500 to 800 prisoners with 200 bunks. Needless to say, it's a dog eat dog situation. The main goal in the 5000 block is to steal someone's sneakers before you get shipped out or they find room for you in the facility. Normally an inmate in county jail would not even see a cell in their first three days of incarceration.

When they do get a cell it's usually 4 bunks filled to capacity with 2 floor sleepers or 6 people in a cell designed for 2.

Paris Hilton never felt the pain of sitting on the concrete floor for 20hrs straight, She was processed in post haste. Then she was given the penthouse of cells, the special needs unit. Isolation is bliss in the LA prison system.

Paris Hilton being released for homesickness is a slap in the face to the rest of America, it's disgusting and a total miscarriage of justice. Hilton can't even do the easiest of time, little bitch.

From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
June 7 2007

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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