Rudy Giuliani announced his first major foreign policy initiative today, with the centerpiece being plans for an attack on Canada.
"The 9/11 terrorists used Canada as their way into our country," the leading GOP presidential candidate said. The accompanying press release described intelligence showing Toronto as a major base of operation for several Al Qaeda cells.
As he made the announcement, Giuliani displayed tattered Canadian flags which he claimed to have personally found in the wreckage at the World Trade Center, and pointed to what appeared to be Islamic writing on them. "We can't allow Torontistan and Ottawhdad to keep doing this," said the 9/11 hero.
Fellow Republican candidate Mitt Romney quickly joined Giuliani in condemning the Canadians, while John McCain said he felt "those French faggots in Quebec" were behind things, and that he would target "Montrealistan" first. Dark horse Ron Paul said he'd rather throw half the buildings in DC into the Potomac. He was then arrested for treason for the third time this week.
On the Democrat side, Hillary Clinton said she hadn't had time to review the proposal, but she was "ready to send Derek Jeter up there if necessary to kick some Blue Jay ass." Barack Obama pointed to Canadian auto plants that make big cars and contribute to global warming as a bigger threat. John Edwards could not be reached for comment as he was getting a haircut.