Boleshevik Bureaucrats Overthrow Intel Tsar

Funny story written by P. R. Mann

Sunday, 13 May 2007

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The Pentagon, Saturday - In an altogether shocking display of violence and forcefulness not usually seen by government bureaucrats and with sheer maliciousness equaled only by those in DMV's and the IRS, the Bush administrations intelligence Tsar, Nick Romanov, was overthrown Wedensday.

The bureaucrats, mostly mid-level types with the most mind-numbing jobs imaginable--sifting through mounds of intelligence data from around the world, most of it crap, looking for anything that constitutes a threat to national security, were mostly bored.

But some used the dull and dreary task of intelligence work to plot revolution. The read Marx and Engels extensively and finally came to the conclusion that the only way to get any real intelligence work done was to overthrow the autocratic Tsar and replace him with a committee of the intelligence proletariat.

"The dictatorship of the proletariat--the ultimate expression of democracy--must be embodied in a committee of the best men, or better yet, of the best man, in order for intelligence to be produced most efficiently," said Joseph Steelman, one of the leaders of the revolution.

Steelman was later installed as the "Best Man" after the seven other members of the committee were assassinated as the result of "terrorist activities, which the Tsarist were unable to deal with during the glorious revolution, proving their inefficiency," a Committee spokesman said.

At his press conference on Friday introducing him to the public, Steelman was accused of being just a new Tsar and ignoring the law and constitution in zeal for usable information in the War on Terror.

To the first accusation, Mr Steelman responded: "In me the proletariat has its highest expression. Whenever I command something, you can be sure that it is in the best interests of the proletariat." In regards to the second, he responded: "Sacrifices must be made. Liberty is precious, so precious we must ration it out. What have you to fear if you are not doing anything wrong? The common good of the intelligence community takes precedent over all."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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