BILLINGSGATE POST: In a nearly incoherent interview with Vladimir Putin, crack WASHINGTON POST reporter, Mumbles, digs deep into the psyche of the Moscow madman.
Mumbles: “Umm - Umm...Ri afder yrr call up wid Trump, whad dee zay?”
Vladimir: (In Russian) “Who the f**k is this guy? I can’t understand a word he’s saying.”
Mumbles was formerly the guitar player of the band “Mumbles Quartet.” Mumbles and his band booked ritzy parties, and would rob their hosts after the performance. After being ratted out by his vocalist, Kiss Andtel, he somehow escaped on a boat which was rigged with a bomb to explode with his companions on board, while he kept the full amount of $60,000 in stolen cash. It was thought that Mumbles was killed, but because he seemed to have gills, he survived with the cash.
Mumbles: “Umm - Umm...Whaza bigidee whiukik dashi*t outa Ukraine.?”
Vladimir: (In Russian) What the f**k is this guy talking about?”
As has become normal for well connected criminals, Mumbles would re-establish himself as a reporter. Thanks to the services of Mr. Kleen, a lawyer working for The Apparatus, Mumbles became an International reporter assigned to cover Moscow by the WASHINGTON POST.
Mumbles: “Vladimir, Wy duz evrone faw outa windoes n Moscow?”
Vladimir: (In Russian) “They didn’t fall. They jumped.”
Mumbles: (In Russian) “Благодарю вас, тупой трах.”
Translation: “Thank you, dumb f*ck.”
Footnote: Mumbles was a Dick Tracy character.
KNOWN RELATIVES:
Kisme Quick, Daughter
Wildbreath, Son
Whispers, Nephew
Rambles, Nephew
KNOWN ASSOCIATES:
Kiss Andtel
Dr. Zy Ghote
B-B Eyes
Abner Cadaver
Dr. Slim: “He could go all the way to the top of his profession. A natural.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Reminds me of Howard Cosell with his enunciation.”
