San Francisco detumesces from kinky Armory proposal

Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 4 March 2007

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San Francisco - (ReUterus): Proposals to turn San Francisco's State Armory & Arsenail building in the city's Missionary Position District into a mega S&M parlor cum film studio have flopped after an indignant outburst from local residents who are protesting that Kink.com's plans constitute 'cruel and unusual' usage of the landmark erection which has sat on the National Register of Hysteric Places since '69.

Despite the new owners promising to create plenty of new jobs and cater to local trade the residents are not impressed:

"The Municipality promised us a mixed usage office and residential complex with a purpose built skunk factory in the rafters," said an irate protestor. "And now what do we get? A snuff-movie studio! Like we need yet another in this part of town."

But the building's new owner, UK-born ferret-faced pornographer Peter Acworth, is adamant his movies are topical and in thoroughly good taste with lots of smiling women and a contemporary feel: "Think of the Daniel Pearl story but with a hellavua lot more sex."

Acworth says all his businesses are strictly legit: safe working conditions, plenty of wannabe starlet female volunteers, compulsory medical examinations and a 'condom-only policy'.

In a Snuff Movie Magazine interview last month Ackworth denied he was just a dirty old man who likes inflicting tortuous, low-budget, lousy-scripted, plotless, sub-moronic old crap on the movie-going public.

"Semen sells. The rest is window dressing".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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