Geoffcock Beauregarde Klump Junior III is a fat slob, and he proudly admits it. He is also one of an increasing number of Americans who use their own form of private transport to get around the house.
"The way I see it," slobbered the meat-faced chubster, between mouthfuls of burgers, "if the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he would never have let us invent wheels."
Klump Junior III began his descent into gross slovenliness in the early 2000s, after purchasing a golf cart to help him move between the many fridges in his large house in Atlanta, Georgia. "I'd go to the ham fridge, then I'd be too tired to walk to the beef fridge and back, so I just used my cart."
Like many fat, lazy Americans, Klump claims to be a keen golfer. "It's a form of exercise," he says, although others have observed that he never actually leaves his golf cart, and plays shots while sitting in the reinforced front seat.
In 2015, he found that his cart was dangerously close to breaking, as it was unable to support his enormous and growing derriere. However, he had recently moved into a larger mansion, so he decided to upgrade his house vehicle. "I got me a Winnebago," he drooled. "So now I drive to the larder in style."
Due to the size of his new motor-home-within-a-home, he uses a golf cart to get from the steering wheel of the Winnebago to the feeding trough he has installed at the back.
Said one US observer, "Now that's class."