Governor of California to change name from Newsom to “Nuisance”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 17 May 2020

image for Governor of California to change name from Newsom to “Nuisance”
The Governor: "Sometimes we just have to tough it out!"

Governor of California Gavin Newsom has decided a new name will do no harm in the continuing battle against the Covid-19 virus.

“Call me an honorable nuisance, then, if you must,” he said in his office yesterday, according to an insider's report.

Although the governor's office has denied he said any such thing, protests (LA region) have caused him to consider “the honorable nuisance defense.”

The honorable nuisance defense is you must take command to protect the populace, which is annoyed with your whims.

The posture is particularly important at this time because, according to sources, the governor is considering increase to the lock-down rules.

The background for a renewed severity program stems from The New York Times yesterday, reporting that “talking can launch thousands of droplets so small they can remain suspended in the air for eight to fourteen minutes.”

This range embraces variations in volume, droplet size, and tonal mutterance.

“There is no indication (yet) that release of flatulence is a danger re the droplets.”

Mr. Newsom is reported considering a new rule for public spaces that talking will absolutely not—even with mask on—be allowed. (Flatulence issue on hold for the moment.)

Customers will need to confine their communications to nodding or shaking the head, with public service personnel now in training on what questions to ask properly.

Additionally, there is no confirmation yet that teams of California police will sequester in New York for review of whether masks are fitting properly, and how to proceed when they are not.

New afternoon patrols for barber shops are being contemplated, or use of drones.

Governor Nuisance's office has also responded to questions regarding alternative analyses of the threat--growing in number from expert sources, including epidemiologists and virologists.

Inside sources at the Governor's office report they thought they overheard him muttering:

“Well, yes, plenty of reason to doubt this whole episode as exaggerated and cooked-up for some reason, but why not be on the safe side?"

"Is the solution worse than the problem? Only the future will tell!”

“And if I must be the heroic Mr. Nuisance, as a front-line guardian on this thing, then I will wear this badge honorably right up to the next governor's election!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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