Serial Murderer Released To Make Room For Barber Shop Owner

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 6 May 2020

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Hardtime

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a heartwarming gesture, Walter “Chainsaw” Williams, who was sentenced to life in prison without parole for gruesomely sawing up nineteen victims in a nine-day crime spree, relinquished his cell in San Quentin so that Willy “Scissors” Henshaw, the owner of a three-chair barbershop in Oakland, could have his own private cell.

After being given the opportunity to personally apologize to Governor Newsom for violating his rules regarding non-essential business operations, or face jail time, Scissors told the judge he would rather rot in jail than starve to death.

Judge Harriet “Hardtime” Hamilton, a Governor Moonbeam appointee, slammed her gavel down and threw the book at Henshaw:

“How about this, wise guy. You can do both.”

“I hereby sentence you to seven days in prison without food or drink.”

Slim: “I always wondered how the judge got the nickname, Hardtime.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. How would you like to hook up with her?”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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