Ghost Of Angry Technical Writer Who Never Achieved Full Self-Actualization Still Haunting Students At Campus Regardless Of Renovations And Technological Updates

Written by Wesley Janson

Wednesday, 1 January 2020

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Despite the fact that major renovations were made to several dorm buildings as well as the Caitlan Library at Skyland University in Central Iowa, students keep complaining that they hear the voice of a belligerent spirit telling them that they have no futures and that their studies will mean absolute shit when they reach middle age and get divorced.

Although major technological updates were made in all areas of the campus, undergraduates desperately trying to learn about diversity while earning liberal arts degrees have stated that they feel disturbed and uneasy when they hear subtle whispers at night encouraging them to drink more and continue buttfucking each-other as their aging parents pay for their schooling.

Numerous condescending, self-absorbed, and pretentious "wanna-be" scholars were also reportedly upset when they heard a voice inside their heads stating that they were completely worthless and that they always would be, and athletes were also not left off the hook when they had nightmares about fraternity parties and whiskey-induced orgies ending before they reached the age of 25.

Vicious, manipulative, game-playing, sorority women couldn't stand the idea that they would not be able to use their sexuality to gain power over lovers after the age of 50, and a handful of youngsters sincerely struggling to comprehend the "discipline" of Sociology eventually impaled themselves on the university flag pole when they ultimately understood that their efforts were meaningless.

Negative energy in the form of books being thrown around and chairs turning themselves upside-down also spread throughout the campus as windows shattered violently and pieces of broken glass sprayed across the sidewalks during a 'self-identity' parade designed to force issues on people who really don't give a fuck.

Hyperactive, insecure, aggressive males who feel the need to pick on weightlifters bigger than they are jumped into a lake and drowned themselves, and a couple of extreme feminists did the right thing by pulling off a 'Thelma & Louise' stunt that resulted in their vehicle exploding all over a cliff outside of town.

FUCK YOU! EAT MY ASS! SUCK MY DICK! SWALLOW THIS!... AND HERE'S MY MIDDLE FINGER! were also some phrases that were not appreciated by the smug alumni association that constantly asks for donations from previous graduates who are struggling to make ends meet as they keep looking for jobs that will actually reflect their academic training.

Sincerely wanting the dark energy and the profoundly needless anger to stop, 71-year-old English Professor Hugh Johnson fell down, wept, and confessed that it was all coming from a student he trained years ago named Craig Willard, who became such an overblown mess inside that he passed away in a dark hotel room while trying to finish a consumer product case study.

"I thought technical writing would be good for him, so I encouraged him to develop his grammar skills," said Prof. Johnson, who did not realize that Craig's total lack of self-actualization after several years of writing directions for 'TV Dinner' lids would eventually turn him into a poltergeist.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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