Recently Hired (And Extremely Productive) Technical Writer Originally Considered 'Lame And Boring' By Coworkers And Staff Now Feared To Be Something 'Other'

Funny story written by Wesley Janson

Thursday, 5 December 2019

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Minneapolis, Minnesota. When Craig Wall, 37, was hired as a technical writer at Hydrocele Communications three weeks ago, his coworkers (and several support staff members) originally thought he was 'just really lame and boring'...or in the worst case scenario…too eager to please everyone.

Previously employed as a medical supplies tech writer at Vas Deferens, Inc. in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Craig attained a new position with the Minnesota-based company specializing in information & communications technology during mid-November.

Oddly working non-stop from 9:00 am to 5:30 pm every single day without showing signs of fatigue, expressing the need to take a break, or even pausing to fix grammar mistakes, Mr. Wall quickly gained the attention of his fellow technical writers, who initially assumed he was going 'out of his way' in a desperate attempt to display his professionalism and gain acceptance.

"Producing technical documents requires very unique discipline because it involves a form of highly-advanced writing in which the author never expresses his or her own emotions, thoughts, or feelings," Senior Writer Dick Stain, 49, told reporters.

"I thought Craig was simply taking his job too seriously by never actually expressing his own emotions, thoughts, or feelings as a human being, but I became a little bit disturbed when I noticed that he was asking his coworkers for all their writing projects so he could take them home and complete them," he confessed.

"I was also 'creeped out' when I saw him standing in front of the locked doors of the building last Saturday morning as if he didn't know where else to go," he added.

As his behavior made many teammates think of him as 'just really lame, hopeless, and boring,' a few coworkers immediately got the impression that something was wrong.

"During his first week here, I sincerely wanted to put him at ease and let him know that he was a welcome addition to the team," said 36-year-old Technical Writer Amanda Rydehard. "So, I ripped my shirt open, pressed my gigantic breasts up against his face, and begged him to fuck me silly in the janitorial closet."

"Instead of getting aroused or even showing the slightest interest, he simply asked to look at my software processing documents, and that's when I knew something was truly 'out-of-place,'" she confirmed, quickly adding that she always 'does that' with new employees just to make them feel at home with the company.

Having already produced a highly abnormal and overwhelming amount of computer manuals, marketing strategy reports, consumer product case studies, product descriptions, test scripts, procedure sheets, and technical design specifications, Mr. Wall continues to baffle his fellow employees, who are now starting to fear that he may be something...'other.'

When talking to him about the upcoming Epididymis Project (which will involve all writers working together really hard in order to produce a big, solid, penetrating analysis on a 'soon-to-be released' product) Tech Manager Peter Cockstrap, 43, noted that Craig's left eyeball temporarily flashed green before popping out and landing on the table.

"Without hesitation or embarrassment, he put the eyeball back in and asked me to proceed," Mr. Cockstrap stated.

"His right ear fell off after that, but I just tried to ignore it by looking the other way," he added.

Already full of uneasiness, anxiety, and suspicion concerning their new coworker's perplexing and somewhat unnatural behavior, technical writers and support staff were further alarmed when four people who look exactly like Craig Wall applied for positions on Monday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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