Wheeling, West Virginia. Exclusive to The Spoof. "Fossil Fuel Forever." a coalition of oil, natural gas and coal mining companies, today issued a press release on the firestorms that are burning California.
The press release erupted into its own firestorm when it argued that use of fossil fuels in producing electricity would lessen the possibility of downed high voltage power lines that are responsible for nearly all the wildfires that have destroyed wineries, homes, at least one city, and hundreds of thousands of acres of brush and timber.
According to "Fossil Fuel Forever", power plants using fossil fuels and built in urban areas, such as Los Angeles, would not need hundreds of miles of high voltage transmission lines to carry electricity to the major centers of population.
"You can't build a hydroelectric power plant on the LA River. You have to build them in the mountains, along streams of falling water, and that means miles and miles of transmission lines through forests and brush-covered land. A Santa Ana wind of only 60 mph can blow a pine tree into a power line, downing it and causing an unstoppable firestorm.
"No, you can't build that water-powered power plant in Los Angeles, but you can erect a fossil fuel-powered generator that is safe, clean and less deadly than those transmission lines or truly dirty nuclear-powered plants."
"If that northern California electric company, PGE, had built fossil-fueled electric plants in San Francisco, burning clean coal, healthy oil, or odorless natural gas, the town of Paradise would still be there!"