Black River Falls, Wisconsin. Desperately trying to recover his hurt feelings after all the married women at a local gym failed to notice the calf raises and 50-pound bench presses he was doing, Thomas Kriels, 35, told reporters that he needed an extra day off work.
"Mending a broken heart is never easy, and it takes time to heal before you move on," he stated after gaining a sudden awareness that the voluptuous 40-to-45 year-old-women going in and out of the building didn't seem to notice (or care) that he had been born in the 1980s to an upper-middle class family that supported his way through college.
"Severe emotional loss often results in the irrational and aching urge to find immediate replacement value, and that's the dangerous part," he added before crushing pain filled his soul over the fact that the 56-year-old blonde behind the desk did not ask him about the Bachelor's Degree in Philosophy that he had spent hours upon hours earning.
"And the part that hurts the most is that I did that 12-minute workout for my own benefit," he wept before his Kwik Trip Manager sent him a text message telling him that he was fired.