BILLINGSGATE POST: Illipio Eganospastic, Space Team Leader of the first known extra-terrestrial aliens to visit Planet Earth in 1970, announced today that they will be moving to the township of Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, because Area 51 has become too liberal.
Mr. Eganospastic, who first touched down in Area 51 on April 1, 1970, said that his eclectic group left their own planet to seek a better world because “Marxist-like” tendencies, similar to those now being promulgated by Progressives such as Pocahontas and Bernie Sanders, were being pushed on his conservative band of aliens.
They were looking for a singular place, a place where no one on earth would care to live: A desert Island where it would be unlikely that they would encounter wackos like OAC and Omar. They thought that the barren area outside of Las Vegas would be the perfect place to settle.
Alas, Nevada was invaded by Democrats. Under Senator Harry Reed, the state turned completely pink, as pink as the bluffs near Mesquite, 65 miles north of the Strip.
Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, with a dwindling population of 403, was named from a nearby crossing of the Overland Trail over Beaver Creek. Historically conservative, voters have consistently voted for Republicans. But with more and more of its youngsters moving to Omaha to taste life in the city, the Mayor of Beaver Crossing placed an ad in the Wall Street Journal extolling the virtues of this village.
After visiting, Eganospastic was offered a deal he couldn’t refuse; season tickets to the Nebraska Cornhuskers football games if he and his followers would settle in Beaver Crossing and wear corncobs over their antennas while attending the games.
GO BIG RED!
Slim Everdingle: “This ain’t Kansas, Toto."
Dirty: "Rock Chalk, Jayhawks!"
