The Hunger Games Versus The Democratic Debates

Written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 29 June 2019

image for The Hunger Games Versus The Democratic Debates
Beto O'Rourke's Spanish lesson.

No more Hunger Games. However, if anyone is hungry for suspense, witnessing desperation, and politics is your bag, you’ll get your just desserts watching the Democratic debates on re-runs.

Forget the pros and cons of climate change, health care, student loans, Russian election interference, border wars, dumping Trump, Chinese manufacturing, Iran’s nuclear deal, women’s healthcare, and a living wage; the first debate was about the panel’s failed attempts at speaking Spanish.

Quoting the often used cliche: Speaking Spanish was a bridge too far. But bravo for stepping in it.

Cory Booker may have been the best-looking suit on stage, but his attempt at speaking Spanish sounded more like a Dolphin with hiccups and gagging indigestion.

Former Harvard law professor Senator Elizabeth Warren gave Beto O’Rourke’s Spanish a failed grade. Her dagger eyes said, ”How dare you try to smokescreen answers in a foreign language.”

That didn’t stop him. He persevered, stumbling in and out of broken Spanish and finger-pointing English, saying who knows what, and finishing with, “Gra-Zi-Ass.”

Thank goodness overbearing, rudely interrupting, eight-foot tall Bill de Blasio didn't start speaking Chinese. The panel would have surrendered. “Let him have the nomination.”

And who was the little guy from Maryland at the far end of the stage who seemed ignored? Chuck Todd kept promising him a question, but all he received was summation time. Pathetically, his summation sounded like a recorded message. A sombrero might have helped.

Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard from Hawaii distinguished herself with an elegant white stripe in her hair. She was also deployed on two missions to the Middle East, so don’t mess with her. She could address the issue of war with authority.

Beto O’Rourke’s only experience with battle was trying to speak Spanish. Watching him, Julian Castro’s anger steamed upwards like a thermometer on the side of a Tabasco sauce bottle. “Are you still destroying my Spanish?”

While it would be quaint to have a President Amy, former Washington State Governor Jay Inslee had the best reason for running: To save the planet.

Without the planet, everything else is pointless.

Even speaking Spanish.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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