God receives two conflicting prayers, gets a massive headache, and decides to favor woman's selfish and carnal desires

Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 15 June 2019

image for God receives two conflicting prayers, gets a massive headache, and decides to favor woman's selfish and carnal desires
Man's Desperate Prayers Completely Ignored!

Florida. The Omniscient and Almighty Generator of the Heavens, the Earth, and all of the dimensions that exist in between, received two conflicting prayers last Tuesday, and decided to favor Terra Kline's extremely wild, out-of-control, immature, lust-driven passion, instead of Brad Johnson's humble wishes to become a great writer.

Terra, a 45-year-old, single, perfectly-formed, voluptuous cougar (with lovely, gigantic breasts and steamy, gorgeous thighs) got down on her knees and prayed that she would have an opportunity to completely devour the lonely, part-time, 34-year-old, hotel desk clerk, while he humbly begged for an opportunity that would allow him to have a career as a producer of widely-read literature.

Upon receiving the two prayers at 7:45 pm, the Omnipresent Creator of the Continually-expanding Universe felt conflicted, suffered a major headache for 30 minutes, and decided to sacrifice his humble servant to the wicked and unholy desires of the "sex-hungry" Jezebel.

"NO!...GOD DAMNIT!...WHY?" Brad screamed at the Holy and Divine Trinity as the red-haired, former model pulled him away from his laptop before 'pounding him silly' underneath the silky-smooth, blue sheets of the queen-sized bed in her 4-story mansion.

With his cranium repeatedly slamming against the headboard, Brad noticed (to his own horror) that Terra had invited two of her blonde-haired, completely nude, female companions over to innocently take a shower.

Completely exhausted after blowing his load (and sensing that he had been used merely for the purposes of animalistic, carnal pleasure), Brad desperately tried to crawl away, before all three women pulled him back in, poured Whiskey and Tequila down his throat, and forced him to have a 'mind-boggling' foursome that lasted all night long and into the morning hours.

After getting over his migraine, and reflecting on the fact that Brad is an anxiety-ridden, sexually-frustrated, spineless, 'noncommittal weiner' whose writing is 'somewhat dry' and lacking of enthusiasm, God felt it unnecessary to explain his decision.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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