With a wave of artists and perforners coming out about their experiences with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. believes that it has found the solution - by more accurately pinpointing the problem.
"Artists kept asking us for help with their depression," said Smerck CEO Leonard Taser. "But we realized that the core issue was actually their creativity. Eliminate that, and bingo, the mood disorders vanish."
Taser added that, like most pharmaceutical companies, Smerck is committed to getting at the root causes of disease, rather than merely treating symptoms.
Smerck's new drug, Nocraft, quells mood-triggering creative urges and eliminates bursts of inspiration entirely.
"We're committed to helping artists live safer, more complacent lives," said Taser, noting sadly that Nocraft could potentially have saved tortured artist Vincent van Gogh from cutting off his ear - albeit at the expense of some admittedly fabulous paintings.
"But plenty of fantastic stuff has already been created," said Taser. "It's time for people to stop making art, and focus on their mental health. They deserve it."
