Trump Declares War On Mexico, Iran, China, Venezuela, Joe Biden, And His Scale

Written by K.C. Bell

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

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On his way to Atlanta to address a meeting on the opioid drug abuse crisis, Donald Trump volunteered, switching away from the subject of impeachment, (as is his way) and threatened to send “ARMED SOLDIERS” to the Mexican border claiming Mexican troops pulled guns on American troops.

Designer Tom Ford immediately sat down at his desk to create a Teddy Roosevelt-type Rough Riders uniform used in the Spanish American War. It would be called the Battle of San Juan Hill uniform, and include a Smoky the Bear-type hat for Donald Trump, who, of course, would lead the troops.

Editor’s note: Tom Ford will complain.

Reply: Yeah, but it makes the article snapping-current in a retrospective way.

Laying low for the last few months, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau called for an immediate cabinet meeting announcing he believed Canada would be next. “One solution is to flood the Canadian border states with maple syrup. And I’ll have to marry Ivanka Trump.”

“But you’re both married.”

“Yes, but Canada will be safe and we won’t be invaded. I’ll become Trump’s new son-in-law, given a Cabinet-level position, absolutely pass the security check and take over ruling the world. Oorah! Hold back on the maple syrup flood.”

Meanwhile, Tom Ford continued hunting for Trump’s waist size and was bounced about the White House by the telephone operators. Ford knew Stephen Miller’s claim that Trump had a 32-inch waist was false, but finally, a nimble-fingered operator connected him with the White House chef.

“Oh man, that waist gotta be over 50 inches. I’d go with a caftan-type design if I were you.”

“You can’t charge San Juan Hill in a caftan.”

Back in Canada, Trudeau’s wife said, “You’re going to what?” and threw a table across the room.

Trudeau dodged the table and told his assistant they'd better go back to the maple syrup plan.

By the time Air Force One landed in Atlanta, two wars had been precipitated, a world-famous designer remained in a tangle, and Trump announced how great it was to be in New Orleans.

Welcome to Trump's USA!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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