Miss Better BumBum, Miss Clit-Floss, Miss Here-It-All-Is challenge each other on the runways of New York and Paris

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 16 March 2019

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New styles for both sexes set to hit Big Box stores this spring

This week's resurfacing of Suzy Cortez, Miss BumBum of 2015, has drawn the spotlight to further developments in female bikini styles.

A new competitor, Miss Better BumBum, has emerged, although her arrival in New York was dampened somewhat by an automatic arrest.

This was due to her name, Anna Ardvansky, and nationality as Russian, which immediately set off alarm klaxons.

Currently she is housed in a cell next to Maria Butina.

The BumBum style of course has been widely in use for many years as THE preferred style for various functions.

It features display of entire buttock globes separated by a (very) thin strip of thong.

Now further emerging, however, and taking over in interest, is the new “clit-floss” style.

This new fashion, being featured particularly in the work of Emily Ratajkowski, utilizes a (very) narrow strip of cloth threading through the frontal zones.

Some female twitter followers have responded irritably that this style requires removal of hair to be legal, plus indicates problems of binding/twisting/torturing the organ within.

Fashion designers, however, insist that today’s females must stop being puritanical, and keep up with new trends for “the liberated woman of the new century.”

These trends have NOTHING to do with porn, strip-teasing, coquetry, or prostitution.

Moving right along, Miss Here-It-All-Is indicates yet a further advance in the fashion industry.

The current model of this style is Miss Marianna Banana, US citizen and not (so far) in danger of arrest.

Miss Banana also denies her surname is provocative, adding, “I am what I am, and my name came with me first.”

This newest inflammatory style (video devices immediately report raised temperature levels) requires no thin strip whatever, either fore or aft.

A framework piece of see-through cotton, low on the hips and circling at severe heights on the thighs, is the totality of this new bikini oeuvre.

Miss Better BumBum, from her jail cell, is reported very excited by the Clit-Floss and Here-It-All-Is developments.

She has insisted that, despite being Russian, she is innocent, and is merely interested in commercial ventures for this fashion arena.

One of her programs, for example, features tattooing the world’s map onto the posterior, each buttock globe with half the world map.

(Dividing point: The Suez Canal or “thongstrip territory.”)

But it was her use of MAGA that brought FBI hounds sniffing—plus jerked Mr. Mueller’s head around into a follow-up investigation.

Is Ms. Ardvansky, i.e. Miss Better BumBum, linked to Mr. Trump and the “collusion” investigation?

Her explanation was immediately dismissed.

“Oh, no, no, no!” she insisted. “The MAGA slogan only means Make (your) Ass Great Again!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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