Transcendental Meditator Struggles to Keep Things Real

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 16 March 2019

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TM practitioner Garret Fraith explained that once you experience pure awareness, reality kind of blows.

As a dedicated daily practitioner of transcendental meditation or "TM" for over 18 years, Garret Fraith of Concord, Massachusetts, admitted that he sometimes has trouble keeping things real.

"I've gotten to really dig transcending," said Garret. "Not to get all fancy-pants or anything, but once you experience pure awareness, reality kind of pales in comparison. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that it blows."

Garret expressed immense gratitude for having stumbled onto TM nearly two decades ago. "It's such a relief to be able to get beyond all of these artificial constructs we've created - race, class, country, even sex," he said. "You could say I go trans-gender on a daily basis."

Garret confessed, however, that while he does his best to be a gritty, raw, and real bodhisattva, it's not always easy when dealing with the average unenlightened person on the street - or, even worse, with the pseudo-enlightened, pathologically self-aware types that he's apt to encounter in Concord.

"They love to get into this crazy, useless loop of thinking, thinking, thinking," said Garret. "And then all they want to do is talk about what they've been thinking. I try to practice mindful listening, but man! It can be exhausting. Not to be a douchebag, but just between you and me, listening and reality are both kind of overrated."

He shook his head. "Jesus, listen to me. Okay, look, you want real? I'll give you real. I am a douchebag - just a fancy-pants TM douchebag. TM's cool, though. People should check it out."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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