Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 23 February 2019

image for Keeping Your Heart Cold and Frozen Inside Still Best Choice According To Report

After analyzing massive amounts of statistical data, the University of Wisconsin-Madison recently released a report that the best option any person has in life, is to keep his or her heart 'completely cold' and 'protected' as they travel through the belligerent offenses and truculence that existence has to offer.

With cold air and snow relentlessly pounding the Midwest, intelligent reporters also simultaneously captured the reality that most people are obsessed with sports, money, and sex, and that they have phony, pathetic, and loveless marriages resulting in children, years of therapy, and divorce.

As human judgment, egotistical behavior, and materialistic thinking continue to dominate pretty much every hopeless realm and structure that this world has to offer, lead officials regrettably confessed that going to Church on Sundays and AA meetings on Fridays will not fix anything.

Subsection B of the report indicated that drinking whiskey, paying for cheap sex in Las Vegas, and driving over insecure teenagers with a really large truck will temporarily alleviate feelings of depression, but that the moment of catharsis after a "hit and run murder" will only last for 3-4 minutes.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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