Knight Breaks NCAA Temper Tantrum Record

Funny story written by Dan Barash

Wednesday, 3 January 2007

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Bob Knight stomped his way into the record books on January 1 by throwing his 880th temper tantrum as a NCAA basketball coach. It took Knight 41 years to reach this illustrious record, and he celebrated by screaming at officials and slapping players.

Knight had previously shattered NCAA records for chair tossing, player choking, player yanking, and police officer attacking. He is thought to also be the all time leader in angry press conferences and all around obnoxiousness, though no official records are kept in these areas.

Knight began his coaching career at Army, where he honed his skills in verbal abuse and physical intimidation. He went on to coach at Indiana University for 29 years, where he charmed both students and administrators by constantly beating up players and abusing his staff. He was fired in 2000 after he repeatedly failed to demonstrate creativity in his use of obscenities. He was hired by Texas Tech in 2001 to humiliate a struggling team that had gone soft. The Red Raiders became a winner after he beat up a few of the crybabies.

Knight said he would treat his next game as he would any other; by throwing furniture and "whopping some unsuspecting sap".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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