It was reported today that southern hot-air balloon maker, Levon Tostig, owner and operator of the incredibly successful Tostig family balloon business, "Madman Across The Water" has his family ready for what looks to be one of the best New Year's Day parades ever.
Tostig, a veteran, who recently celebrated his 63rd birthday (on Christmas Day), and whose family balloon business, "Madman Across The Water" celebrates its 83rd anniversary, spoke to reporters from his Garner, North Carolina shop while he and his family were doing some last minute preparations on two of the balloons that they would be entering in the New Year's Day parade in New York city.
Tostig inherited the family business from his late father, Alvin Tostig and says that the deceased patriarch would be very proud of everyone's effort if he were still alive.
"We've also had to pull our son, Jesus out of school several times to help us prepare for the big day, but everything else has gone well."
Jesus, Levon's eldest son used to be a bit of a puff, blowing up balloons all day and setting them loose from the family swing on the front porch before he was sent to a private, boarding school in Fork Union, Virginia called Fork Union Military Academy to be made into a man and learn harsh, military-style discipline and reality skills. He's currently a senior there, ranked Sargent and plays fullback on the school's football team.
"We've been workin' on the NASCAR balloon since late August," Tostig said. "The other un was my wife's idea. It is a giant crotch with a vagina own it."
Reporters, taken awash and not sure what to think of the southern balloon maker's comment continued probing.
"My wife says she wants to remind every won where dey came from jus in case dey git too big for dey britches an furgit. You know how tem city folk are."
Reporters for The Spoof report having the following thought:
"What is it about you southern people that makes you want to put everyone in their places? Is it the fact that you lost the Civil War or something?" but declined to say anything.
The Tostig's will be leaving tomorrow, first thing, for the 15-hour trek up the interstate to New York city. Hopefully, there won't be too many nuts on the road.
In other news today, Elton John, because of new laws now allowing gays to be knighted, must be re-knighted by the Queen, turns 57 in March.
