Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 13 December 2018

In the wake of Michael Cohen's sentencing and revelations from special counsel Mueller and prosecutors from the second district of New York, leading senate Republicans and Democrats met late yesterday to discuss a peaceful resolution to the stolen 2016 presidential election.

In a secret meeting, senate majority leader Mitch McConnell and minority leader Charles Schumer discussed how the 2016 election debacle can be rectified. One of those present reported that McConnell agreed that Hillary Clinton would be president today had the election been carried out in accordance with political campaign laws. The Wikileaks publication of Democratic party email hacked by Russians, the silencing of two women who otherwise would have publicized Donald Trump's extramarital sex with them, and fraudulent handling of absentee ballots by Republican agents in several states, collectively made possible the Trump victory.

With both sides in agreement that the election was stolen, the real question was how to correct it. The leaker reported that McConnell insisted that there was no clause in the constitution to justify a re-run of the election, although he conceded that Hillary might have won if the vote had been fair. Schumer agreed that a re-run of the election was not possible, but argued that there must be some way that Clinton could become president.

Surprisingly, it was a Republican aide to McConnell who diagrammed how Hillary could attain the office. In this plan, Mike Pence would resign the vice-presidency, citing election irregularities that made his continued occupation of the office untenable. The Senate, assigned by the Constitution to select a replacement in the event of a vice-presidential vacancy, would put Hillary in that office. At that point, either Trump would resign or the House and Senate would impeach and remove him from office, elevating Hillary to the presidency.

Neither Schumer nor McConnell would comment on the meeting as they left the cloakroom where it took place. When told of the potential deal, Clinton expressed disappointment that she would not have a chance to defeat Trump in an election re-run. On the other hand, this would justify her insistence all along that she would have won had the election been fair, and the plan did make her the only non-elected person to hold both the vice-presidency and the presidency. Historians quickly pointed out that Gerald Ford already held that honor.

When asked about the secret plan, Pence said he had no comment. Considering that he would become president if Trump leaves office prematurely, his voluntary resignation is unlikely unless further revelations tie him to the plot to steal the election.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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