President Trump Wondering What the Heck He Has To Do To Be Impeached

Written by thecabbidge

Friday, 3 November 2017

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Sources close to the President say he's become increasingly unclear what he has to do to be impeached by Congressional Republicans.

According to a White House insider, Trump originally thought that a simple, deranged inauguration speech would do the trick. He is said to have genuinely believed Republicans would realize immediately the terrible mistake they'd made and that he'd be able to go home. "I'm sure he understands now how naïve that was," said the source.

The President also believed a continuous stream of unhinged tweets would be sufficient get him removed from office. Although he hasn't completely abandoned the idea, he has privately admitted that he wouldn't mind sleeping in at the weekend, instead of having to wake up in the middle of the night and make lunatic comments on social media.

By the time August had come and gone and Republicans were comfortable with him endorsing Nazis, Trump's mood had soured. It became clear the President had no idea what he was up against. Aides detected the first signs of panic.

A new possibility presented itself in the wake of Hurricane Maria. "He perked up noticeably after he saw all the damage to Puerto Rico. He saw real opportunity there," said an aide. "So he did nothing for two weeks, yelled at the San Juan mayor, then did that weird Hispanic accent thing. Republicans didn't even flinch."

Since then, a new desperation has taken hold.

White House staff have confirmed that on Tuesday the President is scheduled to sneak into Mitch McConnell's bedroom in the middle of the night wearing socks and a Huckabee-Sanders mask.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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