Mueller issues indictments!

Funny story written by Philip J. Moss

Saturday, 15 July 2017


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Associated Press, June 11, 2018. Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced that a federal grand jury has indicted Donald Trump, Jr., Paul Manafort, Jared Kushner and four others, for obstruction of justice and conspiring with a foreign power to interfere in the 2016 presidential election. In response, President Trump tweeted that his son and son-in-law "are innocent, innocent as lambs, as clean as the driven snow" and that "Mueller is a closet queer, go inside his closet and see all the dresses!"

Associated Press, June 12, 2018. President Trump announced that he is issuing blanket pardons for his son, Donald Trump, Jr., and son-in-law, Jared Kushner. Asked why he needed to pardon the two men if, as he had tweeted yesterday they were innocent, the President again attacked the Special Counsel, claiming that Mueller had been bribed by the Clintons to issue the indictments, and that Mueller was "a pansy." Asked why he had not also pardoned his former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, the President shrugged and said that Manafort was "a loser, just another pussy."

Associated Press, June 13, 2018.
Special Counsel Mueller released his report which included findings that Donald Trump not only knew about his son and son-in-law's collusion with the Russians, but had actually created a million dollar slush fund to exploit any "dirt" that Russia furnished about Hillary Clinton, during the 2016 campaign. Sean Hannity immediately denounced the report as "fake news."

Associated Press, June 14, 2018. Donald John Trump, the 45th President of the United States, announced today that he is resigning his office, "to spend more time with his family." He was succeeded by Vice President Michael Pence, who was sworn in by the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Associated Press, June 15, 2018.
The 46th President of the United States, Michael Richard Pence, announced that he has issued a blanket pardon to his predecessor, Donald Trump, because he knew that Trump "was a good guy, a really good guy," and because any mistakes he had made were simply the result of inexperience.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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