A new Island has appeared off the coast of North Carolina in the US with all the grace of an oil tanker dressed as a ballerina auditioning for Swan Lake. Upon its appearance President Trump issued a decree to build a wall around the island.
The Islands population of two Puerto Rican blokes and a fresh water turtle called Hank are said to be "mystified" at how they got there. Neither man had known the other before appearing on the island nor knew Hank before his emergence from behind a rock.
The Island which has been dubbed "The New Island" by interested Germans was said to have lain dormant beneath the waves for at least sixty years. Which is almost twice the amount of time it would take you to complete a thirty year walk
The Island, which is as long as a mile long piece of string, had no insights to give us at this time. It just reiterated that it was "happy to be here" and "hopefully it can push on in what are exciting times for newly formed Islands".
The New Island has applied for FIFA membership and are already above Scotland in the rankings