Despite secret photographs being leaked to the media of Putin riding Trump in the forests behind his dacha, predictably Putin has categorically denied this and is willing to swear on a stack of bibles that the picture is of another pair out riding. Putin further refuted that it looked nothing like him and that Trump is much shorter than the other people in the picture anyway.
Soon to be out of a job Twilight Zone Spicer when asked by an increasingly ostracised press about this being the smoking gun proving Russian collusion, blabbered something like the following. Disclaimer the recording devices did have trouble assembling the words into english but is transliterated for accuracy.
"It was clearly Obama that failed to act on intelligence reports about russian hacking that didn't happen, which let Hillary win the election. How could it be President Trump because he spends every weekend playing golf in Florida and he is quite within his rights to surveil golf course staff and to make money from charity gold days and to do golf cart drifting on the green if he feels like it. Hillary never played golf because her body double is fake news and the her inauguration day crowd was way smaller than Trumps anyway. Everyone knows now that the Russian collusion is a conspiracy by pro-Trump dolphins from california who are mad they did not get the shipment of tuna or the whitehouse jobs they were promised. Well this proves what the entire world knows that there is no nepotism in the current administration and nobody in the entire whitehouse, especially Kushner, Sessions and Flynn has ever meet a Russian, and Obama met lots, so he must be to blame. Turn the cameras off because I don't want any more crap, don't forget what I go through and I didn't even get to meet the pope".
Toilet Mouth Conway was asked for comment and replied. "This is the trouble with all the lefty dissidents like CNN and New York Times, they don't get that the President has his style and because you didn't get elected he can do whatever he wants. That's what elections are for, to keep bad things away from Trumps tivio and maximise his inauguration crowd size which was the biggest in history and he has achieved more than any president in the entire history of the world, he was just being polite to FDR. You see how popular he is he can't even go to a cabinet meeting without everyone pouring laureates upon him. He told me to ask them to tone it down a bit otherwise americans might think he has a big ego, such a wonderful noble president. Mueller and his democrat buddies witch hunt is a huge waste of government resources as everyone knows its Comey who is lying because he is the leaker because they said so on Fox and Friends. Everyone knows they are the only news outlet telling the truth the way the president likes it".
However leaks from inside the intelligence community indicate that urinating on Russian beds and then sacking the FBI head is a ticket to an inquisition. Most FBI members have never had the opportunity to piss on a Russian bed and it is on most of their bucket lists so this has deeply soured relations. Further they say that it was one of their operatives that took the pictures of the trump putin love-in, so there is no question America is taking it up the rear. Senior officers have stated off the record they don't like taking it up the rear and even though we are leaderless and the whitehouse has halved out budget we're gonna fight back.
Unusually the Kremlin deflected any blame stating that as many Kremlin underlings could buy as many condos in Florida as they wanted and that Putin was playing golf in Florida on the day the picture was alleged to of been taken, so it can't possibly be him. Besides which everyone knows that Putin prefers to ride bears not pussies.