White House Intruder Is Chris Christie

Funny story written by XRhonda Speaks

Sunday, 12 March 2017

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At first Secret Service agents didn't recognize White House intruder Chris Christie because he has lost so much weight.

When Secret Service agents caught a half naked man trying to sneak in to the White House at midnight with a backpack, they suspected a terrorist attack or an unstable person. Amazingly, Secret Service agents didn't recognize the man who repeatedly said, "I used to be friends with the President," as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

Christie had lap band surgery shortly after the 2016 election and is almost unrecognizable at his current weight of 85 pounds with 25 of those pounds coming from his head.

Agent Ignatius Koenigi of the Secret Service said Christie was wearing a backpack with a picnic lunch and massage oils inside it and seemed highly agitated. Christie insisted to Koenigi and the other agents who intercepted him that if he could just talk to President Trump, the president would OK his presence at the White House and lend him a pair of Melania's sweatpants so he wouldn't be hanging around in just his underwear.

Instead of waking the president, the Secret Service handed Christie over to DC Metro Police who were feeding him before sending him for a med/psych evaluation.

Agent Koenigi, who likes to be called Iggy, said he feels for the governor and his precarious condition.

"You kind of feel sorry for the guy: the other thing he repeated over and over again was, 'The President doesn't need me anymore now that he has Putin.' Christie's crazy and he feels so hurt, it was really tragic to see a respected man--a governor no less--have a breakdown like this and fall so far."

Dr. Walt Lee of George Washington Hospital in DC said Christie's condition could be due to the extreme weight loss.

"When patients lose so much weight and don't get enough calories they can develop dementia and even brain damage, his doctors will likely try to get him to gain some weight and see if his condition improves."

President Trump promised that Christie would receive the best care possible at a Trumpcare Hospital which prompted Christie's family to file for a court order to move him to private care at an undisclosed location.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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